I Have Just Decided
Liesjarvi National Park, Liesjärvi, Kanta-Häme, Finland
Handling my life and acting like an adult is exhausting. I would love to just frolic around the world and not worry about anything.
Since this is what I believe to be my first time living, I do not want to regret doing what I am driven to do the most.
Currently, I am writing at a coffee shop I have never been to before, feeling a content-medium with myself, for a change of scenery. This is why I have decided to talk more about what I do when I am like this.
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The best time to encourage yourself is not when you’re feeling okay, good, or so great —you’re on top of the world. The best time to encourage yourself is when you feel indifferent about the world, and your life, and when it would not make a difference if the world goes to crap.
Deep down, you know you do not mean it; you just want things to be different. These times can feel like you are in a trance, in a timeline where nothing exciting is happening or stressing you; you feel like meh.
I am reading a book that points out that fulfillment is not getting to the destination, but what happens while you are working on getting there.
This is why stories are needed, they inspire other stories to be shared, no matter how small they might seem to you.
Every story holds significance and can teach you about yourself or others around you.
Say this with me (even if you do not want to):
“I have decided to be the most positive and uplifting person I know.
I am the most positive positive and uplifting person I know.”
It is weird when you have not permitted yourself to be positive, but you start somewhere.
My life started to change when I changed my thoughts, actions, and beliefs which contributed to seeing my life as worth living.
I let go of a lot, willingly and unwillingly. Honestly, those experiences were not pleasant to go through.
The steps that I have taken in my life, have all been for a purpose, they have made me more self-aware. I have become a person who can continuously recognize their shortcomings and see their worth even through the struggles.
Mistakes make you, and who you become through them determines if they will be described positively or negatively.
Life ends up how it is meant to be regardless of your effort. We can do our best to better our chances of achieving our ideal outcome, but nothing is guaranteed.
No matter how many days I wake up and want a warm hole to swallow me whole, I remind myself that that feeling is temporary because my inner child does not want to be responsible.
That is okay.
Even at this point in my life, I am actively choosing to see my life better than how it is. That is the least and most I can do.
I own up and find meaning intentionally. Writing, for example. I write for myself as a way to understand and gently parent myself through my journey through youth. I also write for someone who may be reading this, hoping they can learn something to make their own life better.
Developing a mindset and belief system is foundational it is not easy, it is a skill often overlooked.
I have seen people around me drown in misery or helplessness simply because they are choosing this way of experiencing their lives.
Let me be clear, I am not saying that you cannot or should not feel your negative emotions or think the worst of a situation as it is happening, but it should not last for long because you would not be in it if you were not capable of working your way out of it.
The ability to trust and have faith that life will work out in my favor is how I have learned to live.
As each day passes, my belief system grows because there is still much more to know and gain in wisdom.
With this system of programming yourself to be a better you, we can all be better human beings who can contribute to the world, germinating it with goodness by expecting it regardless of external circumstances.
It’s funny how you can find a quote that hits you at the right time.
I will leave you with this:
DAY 33
If you do not know what to do next, it usually isn't because your next step is far out in the distance, but rather right in front of your feet. You are being asked to stop gazing outward and start looking inward. You are being called to rebuild yourself at this exact moment. If you do not know what to do next, it is not because you need to seek more answers, but rather, accept the ones you've already been given. If you do not know what to do next, it's time to learn to be in the answered prayer that is this very day. It's time to learn how to use what you already have, and be as you really are. It's time to stop waiting for some future scenario to bring your dreams into the light, but to dig them out from beneath your fear and begin. Truly begin.
THE PIVOT YEAR By Brianna Wiest
