I grew up overweight (how I am changing) | Reset Series Ep. 2
*This is a written part of a video series I have on YouTube.
It’s not easy, that’s why you should do it.
Nothing Changes Until Something Changes.
Your environment influences you so much — you become furniture or an admired piece of work.
Ever since I was a child I have always been that chubby little girl that was so cute.
Underlying that is one of the most toxic love and hate relationships I have had in my life with my body and weight.
Beneath the surface of that is that generational trauma. My household generations were not taught about the habit of questioning our fullness and learning how to eat the right portions.
Personally, this has always been a problem for me.
A couple of years back I worked with a dietitian to learn the principles of intuitive eating. This is when I realized some people are born just knowing that.
Not me.
There was so much shame around this contributing to the person I am today. My relationship with myself has been destructive because of my relationship with food as well.
I am still working through this mentally because I have not dug enough to overcome it. One good thing about this struggle is that I am more gentle with myself since I have put myself down for too long.
I believe that I have gotten over the phase where it is constant. The everyday ordeal of overeating, and indulging in the comfort of processed foods, had a lot on my mental state.
This is a bigger topic that people find hard to acknowledge. This is a sickness much bigger than we make it to be.
This is an eating disorder.
People who have not gone through this will not understand and I do not expect them to and the judgment is enough towards ourselves.
Growing up, I was not told no to certain foods, I was told to eat all of my food or else I would not have any juice to drink afterward for example, water was not something that was forced on us to drink, it felt more like a punishment.
This punishment as a child in my household ended up being one of the major contributors to the health problems I now have as an adult.
My parents didn’t have parents to teach them what a healthy eating schedule is or how much they should eat. Many times they had to fend for themselves. They were kids raising kids with more money so they also indulged in unhealthy ways and they kinda still do.
I grew up with a mother who had 4 children, would gain excessive weight and lose weight in an unhealthy amount of time. She would put herself through extreme diets and seeing her as an example damaged my perception of what the standard was good and healthy when it came to my body image.
The past
You know when you look back at photos where you used to think that you were so fat and not that time has passed you just realized your opinions and understanding of what a healthy body was incredibly distorted.
Only in the past couple of years, gaining excessive weight has impacted my body functions. In college, which was now around 9 years ago, my first year I noticed I wanted to be more active and just couldn’t get myself to commit to building a healthy routine with work (trying to support myself financially), on top of schoolwork, being an architecture student that felt entirely separate from those previous categories, and it felt like an actual job.
Insane schedule
During my second year of college, I filled my schedule up. I joined my school's volleyball team, which was one of the best decisions I made in college. I learned a lot and pushed myself mentally and physically. This helped my body image significantly improve, not to my ideal goal but it was better.
Motivation
Being a part of the team motivated me to stay accountable and work hard. It’s incredible what a collective can do for an individual. I have craved a similar team environment after college but haven’t found it. Hence the reason why I am resetting.
I have not achieved a body I have been satisfied with, I know it takes time to develop and it is not just a temporary thing, it is a lifestyle change.
That being so, this is why I have stopped myself many times from making real progress.
Results
At the beginning of this past year, I told myself, I was changing. I started heading to the gym to take cycling classes at 7 am by waking up at 5 am, even during my lady days, I was pushing myself. Of course, I got burnt out, but only after a solid 2 months of that activity and I was proud.
I have strong thighs because of it, but losing fat and eating right is still my downfall. I have gone to the gym more this past year than in the years before. That is something to be proud of!
I will give credit where credit is due. This time I am starting with a better foundation, because I simply cannot regress.
Knowing that many people around me, are out there in this world who have never been skinny or in the best shape. But they have been active and taking action to reach their goals around physical fitness and have yet to reach their ideal.
Please know that you are seen and the work you have put in is valid. I acknowledge you for that. It is not easy.
At some point, you will need to choose your hard though.
Life does not get easier physically as you get older and with that in mind, I am here talking about this.
Major reasons
I need to drop weight. 50-60 pounds (if not more) to be exact. I will not just be looking at the weight though, I will be looking more into my body composition.
Because a few years ago I went to get my knees checked out and the doctor told me I had runners knees.
I also have scoliosis, a condition I was born with and I suffer from back pain from time to time, there was a point a couple of years ago when I was in physical therapy for a pain that I still have on occasion.
I am tired of living in a body I criticize more than I show it love. I do love my body but I would love to love it more. I have abused myself more than any individual that has ever been in my life. I can do better.
I can exercise more
I can eat better
I can prioritize myself.
Achievables:
They are simple habits that are not foreign to me:
Work out and walk (3-5 times a week).
Regulating my sugar intake (I am not deleting it completely), eating more whole foods (fruits and veggies) and proteins.
Supplement as necessary.
Every month I will check in.
Photo, stats, and screenshots (evidence)
I can share a breakdown of the activities, meals, supplements, and everything I will specifically do for myself if this is something people are interested in.
The bottom line is everything takes time to actualize itself and I am willing to put in that time to make it happen.
See you in the next one.
